At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy"
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."
In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"
On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."
In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."
On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."
On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."
Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL
YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER, LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAYCARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Go to topSome new billboards are getting attention in Cleveland. Some reported seeing one or two messages, but the newspaper listed all of them. Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. These are awesome...enjoy.
Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God
C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God
We need to talk. -God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God
I love you and you and you and you and... -God
Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God
Follow me. -God
Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. -God
My way is the highway. -God
Need directions? -God
You think it's hot here? -God
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God
Do you have any idea where you're going? -God
Don't make me come down there. -God
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