Jokes About Age


Age Quiz

How old do you feel? Consider this:

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  1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
  2. You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
  3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.
  4. Your underwear starts creeping up on you...and you enjoy it.
  5. You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.
  6. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large ... In that order.
  7. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.
  8. Someone compliments you on your layered look...and you're wearing a bikini.
  9. You keep repeating yourself.
  10. You start video taping daytime game shows.
  11. At the airport, they ask to check your bags...and you're not carrying any luggage.
  12. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.
  13. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.
  14. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
  15. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
  16. When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.
  17. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
  18. Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
  19. You keep repeating yourself.
  20. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
  21. You discover the words, "whippersnapper", "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.
  22. You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.
  23. You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
  24. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
  25. You look both ways before crossing a room.
  26. Your social security number only has three digits.
  27. You keep repeating yourself.
  28. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
  29. It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.
  30. You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden.
  31. You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.
  32. The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."
  33. At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.
  34. You start beating everyone else at trivia games.
  35. You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
  36. Your back goes out more than you do.
  37. You keep repeating yourself.
  38. Cafeteria food starts tasting GOOD.
  39. You refer to your $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi."
  40. You make it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.
  41. You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.
  42. Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
  43. Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
  44. The clothes you've put away until they come back in style...come back in style.
  45. All of your favorite movies are now revised in color.
  46. The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
  47. You keep repeating yourself.
  48. You find this list tasteless and insensitive
  49. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
  50. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
  51. Your back goes out more than you do.
  52. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  53. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
  54. You are proud of your lawn mower.
  55. Your best friend is dating someone half their age ..... and isn't breaking any laws.
  56. You call Olan Mills before they call you.
  57. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
  58. You sing along with the elevator music.
  59. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
  60. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
  61. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
  62. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
  63. You make an appointment to see the dentist.
  64. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  65. Neighbors borrow your tools.
  66. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"
  67. You answer a question with, "because I said so!"
  68. You send money to PBS.
  69. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
  70. You take a metal detector to the beach.
  71. You wear black socks with sandals.
  72. You know what the word "equity" means.
  73. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
  74. Your ears are hairier than your head.
  75. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
  76. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  77. You got cable for the weather channel.
  78. You can go bowling without drinking.
  79. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
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