Kids

Kid Explaining God

Homework assignment given by a third grade teacher, asking them to explain God.

Written by Danny Dutton, Age 8, from Chula Vista, CA.

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes these to put in place of the ones that die so that there will be enough people to take care of things here on earth. He doesn't make grownups. Just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that up to the mothers and fathers. I think it works out pretty good.

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, as some people, like preachers and things, pray other times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV on account of this. As He hears everything, not only prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere. Which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your parents head and ask for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church. Jesus is God's son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and doing miracles and trying to teach people about God who didn't want to learn. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind like His father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK. His Dad (God) appreciated everything He had done and all His hard work on earth, so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road any more. He could stay in Heaven. So He did.

And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing which things are important to God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important, of course. You can pray any time you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time. You should go to Sunday School, because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip Sunday School to do something you think will be more fun, like going to the beach. That's wrong! and besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway. If you don't believe in God, besides being an Atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like camp, but God can. It's good to know He's around when you're scared of the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown in real deep water by the big kids.

But you shouldn't just think of what God can do for you. I figure He put me here and can take me back any time He pleases. And that's why I believe in God.

Boy and Dead Cat

A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now." To which the boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?"

Quotes From 11-year-olds' Science Exams

• "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
• "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
• "To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
• "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
• "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"
• "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
• "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
• "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
• "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
• "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
• "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
• "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
• "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
• "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
• "The body consists of three parts-the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five -a, e, i, o, and u."
• "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
• "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
• "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
• "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
• "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
• "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
• "Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."
• "Equator: A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
• "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
• "Liter: A nest of young puppies."
• "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
• "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
• "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
• "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
• "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
• "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
• "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
• "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
• "For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."
• "For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
• "For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
• "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
• "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
• "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
• "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

Baby Kittens

A five year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom.

Proverbs

A First grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

As you shall make your bed so shall you....mess it up.

Better be safe than...................................punch a 5^th grader.

Strike while the .......................................bug is close.

It's always darkest before..........................daylight savings time.

You can lead a horse to water but..............how?

Don't bite the hand that.............................looks dirty.

A miss is as good as a.............................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new.................math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll............stink in the morning.

The pen is mightier than the......................pigs.

An idle mind is.........................................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's....................pollution.

Happy the bride who................................gets all the presents.

A penny saved is.....................................not much.

Two's company, three's............................the musketeers.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...................you have to blow your nose.

Children should be seen and not..............spanked or grounded.

When the blind leadeth the blind..............get out of the way.