Kids

Kid at Church

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

Prayer to Harold

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold". At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute -how come you called God 'Harold'"? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy Name."

A Four-year-old's Prayer

And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

Worried About God

A little boy's prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

Kids Are Funny

• The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country." "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.
• After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"
• Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water." One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?"
• A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."
• A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
• My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
• A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
• I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
• A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
• A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
• Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. Knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and way the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"
• My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelli, went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host-in this case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you."
• Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."
• We set out our creche for the holidays, and my 5-year-old daughter, Laura, was watching me put all of the figurines in it- especially baby Jesus. I explained what a manger was-that they didn't have a crib for him, so they had to lay a blanket on the hay and put him there. She thought about that for a minute, and then she looked at me and said, "Mom, did they have to use a manger for his car seat, too?"
• My boss' son is five years old. He attended his first funeral with his family. I saw him on Sunday and asked him what he thought of it. His answer, "She was already dead when we got there."
• I read your story about the small child saying, "Night-night" to a body at the funeral home. It reminded me of our small daughter. We took her to view her great-grandmother, and she asked, "Why did they put Great-grandma in a jewelry box?"
• I took Allison to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?" And she walked over and stood on his foot.
• My son has a pet iguana, and he took it to school to show some of the other kids. If you've ever seen an iguana, they have a large flap of skin that hangs down from their neck, and it's called dewlap. The kids were asking what it was, and he explained, and a little girl in his class said, "Oh! My grandma has one of those."
• I was casting kids in our church for our annual Christmas play, and I was giving out choices, such as Shepherd, Lamb, Villager. One 5-year-old couldn't decide, so I said, "Luke, you can be a Villager." He said, "OK," and ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them, "Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!"
• I have two sons, ages 8 & 4, and they were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?" And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit."
• Another three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom, I KNOW they're my feet."
• On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
• A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
• Can people predict the future with cards? My mother can. Really? Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.
• A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
• A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN"
• A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book entitled "COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS." When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he answered no. "Then why are you checking it out?" "Because," said the boy, beaming from ear to ear, ... "I just started collecting moths last month!"
• A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. She said, "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."
• A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"