Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
Jane
Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan
Dear God,
Went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Neil
Dear God,
Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Joyce
Dear God,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him in anyway. Your Friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear God,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Bruce
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her. Denise
Dear God,
I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Sam
Dear God,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Ruth
Dear God,
I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying. Elliott
Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Nan
Dear God,
Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best. Rob
Dear God,
My brothers told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right. They are just kidding, aren't they? Marsha
Dear God,
If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes. Mickey
Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea. Donna
Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. Charles
Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! Eugene
Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry
My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.
At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this:
"Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food."
(Most of us nearly choked just trying not to laugh!)
Go to topWhile working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
Go to topA little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it closely. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mamma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's underwear."
Go to topA 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
Go to topA father is in church with his three young children, including his five-year-old daughter. As was his custom, he sat on the very front row so that the children could better see all that was going on. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five-year-old girl was most enthralled by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head.
With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked, "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"
Go to topA father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly. "I know what the word 'Bible' means!"
His father smiled and replied..... "What do you mean, you 'know what the word Bible means'?"
The son replied, "I mean I figured out what the word stands for!"
"Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the word 'Bible' stand for?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." said the boy, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth'."
Go to topAfter church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree, and the pastor greets the family.
"Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust."
"That's right, Johnny, I did," he says.
"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust."
"Yes, I'm glad you were listening," the pastor replies. "Why do you ask?"
"Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
Go to topA little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."
Go to topThe twin 10-year-olds were exactly opposite: Bill was a die-hard optimist and Bob a hopeless pessimist.
The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob, and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up some manure for Bill.
Christmas morning Mom came downstairs and found the twins by the tree. She asked Bob what Santa had brought him.
"A B.B. gun, but I'll probably hit someone in the eye and blind him. And a bicycle, but I'll probably get run over and killed while riding it. And an electric train, but I'll probably electrocute myself," said Bob.
Realizing it wasn't going very well, the mom turned to Bill and asked what he got. "I'm not sure!!" he replied, "I think I got a pony, but I haven't been able to find him yet!!"
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